The vigil for the Feast of the Nativity was glorious. On Christmas eve morning we had the Liturgy of St. Basil, Vespers immediately after and then at 5:00, the Vigil. All in all it was a lovely 5 hours in Church. And you know, I only felt like I was actually able to pray about 1/4 the way into the vigil.

It takes me so long to find that place within myself that can actually and actively respond to the deacons invitation to "Let us pray to Lord." Exactly what it takes to find that spot is unclear to me. To be sure, it is always God helping me to find myself in order to offer it back to him, to give it to him to transform me but I do not yet know what practises help me. I suspect it's the fasting - the kind that takes effort and makes me feel like I really want to eat hamburger. Those days when it is a strict fast can be harsh days but God is always there, ready to give strength.

Anyway, I was standing there and we were singing the litanies and I remember actually barely starting to pray and mean just a few of those "Lord have mercies." To continually realize I need God's mercy and thereby meaningfully ask God to have mercy is rare.

Lord, have mercy on me.

Christ is born! Glorify Him!